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Christmas gifts for Napoli

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Here's what we would get for Napoli's stars if given the opportunity.

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A cheery fire is burning in the hearth. The tree is sparkling with lights and decorations. The gifts are laid out and the stockings are full. It's Christmas morning, and it's time to see what the holiday season will bring -- not just for us, but for both Napoli and their players. What would you get for our beloved team's players?

It's tough coming up with gift ideas for people who make more in a week than most of us do in a year or more, but we have a few ideas that we're pretty sure would be well-received.

Gonzalo Higuain - Back massager

Get your mind of out of the gutter. Considering the heavy workload he's had this season, Higuain could probably use a little something extra to loosen up sore muscles. Especially considering the pounding he's taken in some matches and how often he seemed to struggle with his back causing him pain last season, this would seem to be the perfect ticket for Pipita.

Marek Hamsik - Multi-language Rosetta Stone subscription

This may seem a little odd on the surface, but hopefully it'll make sense shortly. Between Napoli's European campaigns and Slovakia's upcoming Euro tournament run, knowing some key phrases in other languages could be pretty damn handy for the two-team captain. Nothing like a little insider information from on-pitch communications to get a leg up, right? And hey, who knows if knowing some more Spanish might have helped keep him out of Rafa Benitez's doghouse over the last two years.

Lorenzo Insigne - VR headset

OK, as someone who's over a foot taller than the Little General, I don't really know what it's like to be pocket-sized. But I have a couple friends around his size who have spent time playing around with these in games and apps that make them feel like a much taller person, and they absolutely swear by how amazing an experience it is. I can't think of a better thing for whenever he needs a pick-me-up. Er, no pun intended.

Kalidou Koulibaly - Speed training resistance gear

OK, this one's mostly not a joke. Koulibaly has racked up a LOT of yellow cards this season, sometimes for making necessary challenges, but often because he didn't have the explosive first step he needed to get the job done without the desperation foul. Some work in that area definitely would not go amiss, and the various gear and equipment needed for resistance-style training to get quicker is neither painfully expensive or stuff that's hard to use.

Vlad Chiriches - Batman footie pajamas and a cow-shaped bottle of vodka

Nananananananananananananananana BAT VLAAAAAAAAAAD! ... OK, maybe this joke is too "inside baseball" aimed at certain SBN bloggers, but trust me, I'm cracking up over it.

Allan - The Chronicles of the Black Company by Brian Cook

Don't ask me why, but Allan seems like the type to appreciate a good dark fantasy saga, and there aren't many better than the Black Company.

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What would you get for your favorite Napoli player?

Oh, and merry Christmas, a belated happy Hanukkah, a joyous yuletide, and just generally good wishes to all in this festive season. Hopefully the end of the year treats all of you well.