Walter Mazzarri and Walter Gargano aren't exactly the best of friends. The former Napoli manager once exiled Gargano, shunting him off on loan to Inter Milan after buying Valon Behrami because the Uruguyayn "wasn't good enough" to help his side. Of course, while there was some truth to that, Napoli also desperately needed a reserve hard-nosed midfielder at times that season and didn't have one because Mazzarri just loves to push buttons.
So when Gargano was asked about Mazzarri during yesterday's pre-match press conference, people were understandably disappointed when he simply said that he likes the system and style that Rafa Benitez employs more than Mazzarri's. Weak. Let the hate flow though you, Walter. Feel its power, its strength. Only then will your journey to the... wait, this is the wrong script. Ahem.
Fortunately, we know what Gargano really wanted to say to Mazzarri, and we're not afraid to share.
- "What's with the stupid jacket? Can't you leave it on or off? God. You're so confusing."
- "Maybe if you wouldn't have screamed at them every five minutes, Lavezzi and Cavani might have stayed. Did you ever think of that? Huh?"
- "Your glasses are tacky and I hate them. They make you look pretentious. There, I said it."
- "I never actually understood what you wanted me to do on the pitch. You know why? Because you never told me."
- "I gave you my heart, and you didn't just throw it away, you threw me away. You're a sadist, you know that?"
- "I AM BAT GARGANO! SWEAR TO ME!"
Yeah, we don't know what that last line has to do with anything either, but Gargano was thinking about it.
What other things should Gargano have said when he had the chance?