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How to build a pillow fort

Napoli are set to kick off against Roma on Friday night. Here's a way for Napoli supporters to make sure they're in a safe space.

By Chris Barr from the valley, bat (IMAGE_359) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (], via Wikimedia Commons

AS Roma are perfect through seven games. They've allowed just one goal, but scored twenty.

Napoli may be the second best team in Italy at the moment, but I'm willing to bet that most fans of the partenopei are feeling a bit of trepidation going into this match. Might I suggest building a pillow fort?

Steps on how to build a pillow fort

  1. Assess the layout of your house or apartment. Find a suitable room, one without, say, an enormous bed taking up most of the space. If you plan to watch the match on TV, it might be an idea to build the fort in the TV room. If you're using your laptop, make sure there are outlets nearby. If you're simply going to curl up in a ball and whimper, well, just make sure you've got plenty of space
  2. Gather up some sheets. Much to my surprise, the official Napoli store doesn't sell Napoli-branded sheets. Aurelio De Laurentiis is clearly missing an opportunity here. Until he remedies that situation, I suggest some in a nice shade of azzurri
  3. Get some chairs and make use of the back of the couch. Or a dresser. A table maybe. Whatever large pieces of furniture are in the room you're choosing to use. Arrange them in a circle so that you can drape the sheets over them.
  4. Using clothespins, rubber bands, hair ties, bungee cords, or similar items, securely attach the sheets to the furniture. Remember, we have nearly two hours of terror to get through. You don't want the walls caving in while you're flailing about.
  5. Light some scented candles to produce a mood of peace and tranquility.
    side note: what do Napoli scented candles smell like, anyway?
  6. Grab your whisky, or your wine, or your rakija. Better grab an ashtray, too. It's possible the back line is Christian Maggio - Paolo Cannavaro - Miguel Britos - Giandomenico Mesto. And if there's one thing Walter Mazzarri taught us, it's that whisky and a cigarette make matches go that much more smoothly. Or maybe you won't be able to remember it later.
  7. Pillows! You need pillows! Arrange them on the floor in a comfortable formation. Be sure you've got an extra one to cover your eyes for those Francesco Totti free kicks.
  8. Get something to cuddle...