Take a step back.
Put down your net.
Hang up your poles.
Yes, this means you, Chelsea and your speculative blogs talking about putting your dirty paws on precious, delicate objects.
If we've told you once, we've told you 1,459,276 times. Marek Hamšík is not for sale. Stop trying.
The Napoli captain may be having a difficult season. It may be due to a lingering injury. It may be partially down to Rafa Benítez not knowing exactly how to use the Slovak. Heck, it may even be because the once-faultless Swiss duo is breaking down in midfield and Marek is having to do too much to pick up the slack at times. Or maybe he just has a lot on his mind.
But, his play the last couple months notwithstanding, one fact remains: Hamšík is not for sale. Period. Despite recent rumors created by journalists desperate to keep their jobs and generate sales, the playmaker is not on his way to the Premier League - or anywhere else.
Aurelio De Laurentiis, speaking to Radio Kiss Kiss, squashed the ridiculous transfer talk. The Napoli president told the station that unless Hamšík comes directly to him and asks to leave, he's not going anywhere.
Considering Marekiaro has spoken out about how much he loves Naples, feels a part of the city and has even stated he wants to end his career in azzurri, it looks like those English clubs are going to need to start looking elsewhere. There are only a few (scary) scenarios in which it's possible Marek asks for a transfer. The first is if the situation with the ultras gets so out of hand they start targeting the Slovak - or if he's less protected from thieves and his stuff no longer gets returned.
There's also the terrifying prospect of not qualifying for the Champions League. Fiorentina's loss last weekend means Napoli are a full ten points clear with four games left, but this team is really good at losing. Hamšík could very well say he wants out if the partenopei fall to fourth.
Finally, it could be that he just doesn't get on with Rafa. Nothing suggests that they've got a rough relationship, but if Marek doesn't think the manager is able to bring out his best qualities, or if there's fighting going on behind the scenes, he might seek out greener pastures.
But the most likely scenario is that ADL is speaking truthfully, and our beloved mohawked midfielder is going nowhere. Now we just need to have faith that the Marek magic returns.